April 2016 - Mind and Body 4U

Integrity versus Character

While shopping at a department store, my wife and I had a very disturbing experience. We started to hear what we thought was a minor family conflict between a father and a young boy of approximately ten years of age. We circled around the isle to take a look at what was going on and saw a very terrified young man cowering and hiding from his father while the mother was standing there helpless. The situation escalated and the man started to chase his son who was terrified and trying to hide in the next isle.

This caught our attention and we walked to the end of the isle this family was in. By this time the scene had attracted a few other people who were commenting and watching as they walked by. I stood directly across from this father as he caught his son and began to put a very hard grip on his upper arm. I looked the man in the eyes and told him to knock it off. He had a few choice words for me about minding my own business and started to walk past me while grabbing this young boy behind the neck and leading him towards the exit of the store.

All at once I saw the man lift the boy off the ground and literally carry him by the back of his neck towards the exit. At that moment, my adrenaline kicked in and I yelled to him to drop the boy and that he was about to be arrested. The man dropped him immediately, and the boy took off and the mother went after him to console him. The father I went after him as he headed for the front door. This all occurred as three other people looked on not saying anything to this guy at all. I went after the man and lost him in the parking lot. Minutes later we found the mother and consoled her and made sure her and the young boy were alright and would be alright in the immediate future.

I reflected on that day and thought had we not been there would anyone else have intervened? It really started to make me think about people’s character and integrity and the difference between the two. When we say, “That person really has character and integrity”, what exactly are we saying? If we have integrity do we automatically have good character? I believe in some instances that is the case, however as I witnessed sometimes it is not.

Integrity can be defined as knowing right from wrong, having strong moral principles. I am sure every person in that store that night had some level of integrity. They saw what was happening, some even commented on it to others or under their breath. They knew the behavior being displayed by this man was wrong on so many levels and that it probably wasn’t the first time it had occurred. So having these strong moral principles and knowing what the right thing is, why did nobody else act and defend this poor woman and child in this situation?

When it comes down to character, that can be defined as how you act or carry out your beliefs or morals, in other words, acting upon your integrity. So the other individuals in that store that night had their integrity or morals, but not the character to act upon them. Remember when you were a kid and came home and said to your parents, “Tommy was getting picked on today.” “Everyone was making fun of him but I wasn’t doing it.” That was your integrity knowing you shouldn’t pick on him. Had you displayed true character you would have stopped the others from picking on Tommy. That is the simple difference.

So stand strong in your integrity and morals, but remember to have the character to act upon them and truly make a difference in this world. Having the morals and integrity is not enough to change the world and make it a better place if you do not have the character to act upon them….

What Tough Mudder Taught Me

It was 2014 and I was about to turn 44 years old. My 25 year old friend had an idea. He said we should run a Tough Mudder. I thought it sounded like a good challenge. I really had no idea exactly what this event was. He had previously run one and told me to check it out online. I went to the site and saw the obstacles and got the basic idea. I was a little worried to be honest. I was 44 years old and I wasn’t sure if I could do this. 11167702_895362920521800_7155621500863199632_n

It was January and the event was in September. I had plenty of time to train. I was in decent shape, a little heavy, maybe a little “fluffy” but I figured we would give it a shot. Eight months later I finished my first Tough Mudder. It wasn’t easy for me by any means, but things with the most satisfaction and reward usually aren’t. After some time has passed, I can reflect on that day and the days leading up to it and I can say I learned so much about myself. So what did the Tough Mudder teach me?

Set Goals

If I have a dream or a goal in mind I know I can accomplish it. It may take months of preparation, daily dedication and working at the highest level of effort but any goal can be attained if I put my mind to it. Without a specific goal in the past I wandered aimlessly. I now know what it is like to set a goal and attain it.

Control my thoughts

I was able to control my mind and conquer my body. I ended up pushing myself almost 11 miles that day. There was sweat, blood, cramps and pure exhaustion. So many times I felt as though I couldn’t take another step or climb another obstacle. I quickly shifted my focus to “I can do this” and feeding off the energy of my friend and other people, I was able to finish and complete all of the obstacles.

Perseverance

I found that when I think I have given everything I have, there is still more in the tank. I found out how to tap into that and keep moving that day. I thought I had pushed myself in high school athletics, but that was nothing like this, not to mention I was 26 years older now! I had never had to dig that deep inside myself in a very long time. Towards the end with 2 or 3 miles left I actually felt a rush of energy come over me. I had more in there than I thought I did.

Never Give Up

I learned that day what it is like to want to quit so badly due to pain and fatigue. I saw many people who quit that event throughout the day. There were a few out with injuries, cramps and dehydration. I was cramping and dehydrated for sure, but I would not let myself quit. I just kept focusing on crossing that finish line no matter what it took.

Satisfaction

My favorite saying in sports is second place is the first loser. I am very competitive and winning is everything to me. I know how to lose gracefully, however it still doesn’t sit well with me deep inside. I learned that September day it is the journey that makes you a winner not finishing in first place. I don’t know who the first person was to finish nor do I care. Crossing that finish line in probably 2000^th place felt better than any first place victory I had ever experienced.

So go out and participate in a Tough Mudder or other obstacle type race. You will learn so much about yourself in those few hours. You will feel a sense of accomplishment you may have never felt in your life before. All of these things I learned that day carry over into my everyday life. So go out and push yourself past your comfort zone. You will quickly figure out you were selling yourself short. Let me know how you do!

The Gift of Failure

Failure. Not a very positive thought is it? Or is it? Failure is not necessarily a bad thing. There is a Japanese proverb that states, “Fall down seven times, stand up eight times”. It can also be said that if you haven’t failed you have not tried hard enough. Let me give you some examples of “good” failure.

Let’s begin with fitness. Most of us have heard of training to failure. It can be defined as repeating an exercise to the point where another repetition is no longer possible. Take the most basic exercise everyone knows, the bench press. Your goal is to complete 6-10 repetitions for 4 sets. You start off with a weight where ten repetitions can be performed. For the next set the weight is increased and maybe you can perform eight repetitions. You again add more weight and at the seventh rep you can no longer complete the full movement and must rack the weight. For the fourth and final set you are able to complete six reps and you reach failure and with the assistance of a spotter you rack the weight. For optimum muscle growth the muscle must be exercised to the point of near exhaustion for growth. Microscopic tearing of the muscle occurs (this is a good thing) and with adequate rest and nutrition, the muscle “repairs” itself, although this time bigger and/or stronger. That is the basic premise of building muscle. In this case failure is a great thing.

Another example of “good” failure is anyone who is a parent. We have all seen a child struggle with a certain task be it an activity, homework or even a game. Although as a parent watching your child struggle or fail can be painful it is necessary for the intellectual or physical growth of the child. Parents who step in and say “let me help” really are not helping at all in the long run. The child will learn to depend on someone else to help them or make their struggles go away. There are times in life when things get difficult and what better time to learn how to deal with daily struggles than when you are a child and the struggles are relatively minor. A child who is taught to struggle and quite possibly fail will learn quickly how to overcome those struggles and failures through determination and practice. A parent must act as their “spotter” and offer encouragement and a “safety net” should the need arise to avoid injury or major trauma. This type of failure is paramount for development of a healthy individual.

We experience failures in our everyday life as adults. Take one of the most rewarding yet sometimes difficult professions such as a salesperson. It doesn’t much matter what you sell, you will not close 100% of the sales you encounter. You will make your presentations and feel you gave it everything you had. You offered all the benefits, all of the features and all of the value your product will offer to your customer. You will still be faced with a customer that says no. You have failed in your attempt at selling that customer your product. You begin to ask yourself if your product wasn’t a match to their needs, or was the price too high, or was it your presentation style. Is a “no” the end of it? NO! How many “no’s” does it take to receive a yes? You don’t know unless you continue to try. So you refine your presentation, maybe alter your price or product offering and you try it again. You continue to try until the no turns into a yes. Failure in the first attempt made you go back and re-evaluate, regroup and try again. Had it not been for the failure you would not have had the opportunity to better yourself as a salesperson for the next presentation.

So is failure a bad thing? No it is not. Without failure we do not know real success or growth. You can actually learn more from failure than success. Failure builds the character needed to truly enjoy your success in life. So go out, do whatever it takes and don’t be afraid to fail now and then. It will make the success you experience that much greater.