Blog - Page 2 of 2 - Mind and Body 4U

My Seven Rules of Life

My Seven Rules of Life 1280px-stipula_fountain_pen

Be true to yourself
Don’t compare yourself to others
Know what you can control
Be happy
Be a nice person
Live on purpose
Take care of yourself

Everyone has certain “rules” they attempt to live by. Those rules vary from person to person. I have narrowed my rules down to seven.

Rule #1: Be true to yourself.

In your daily life do you believe in everything you are doing? Do you truly believe in what you do for a living? When you interact with family and friends are you being who you actually are as a person, in your soul? Many people don’t myself included. I have lost ME many times in my life. We first need to know who we are and what we are about at the core. Once we discover and own that, then and only then can you be true to yourself in your thoughts and actions throughout daily life. Once we all discover and master that, we can live life the way we want to and were meant to when we were put on this earth by our creator,

Rule #2: Don’t compare yourself to others.

This is a tough one. As I write this I am on a plane. I just saw a gentleman in the airport who was in extremely good shape. I immediately thought, wow I could look like that if I really applied myself yet at the same time I felt inferior to him. He carried himself very humble and I am sure is a very nice guy. But is he necessarily better than I am because of his look? No he is not and that is my error in thinking. You are the one and only you, put on this earth to be nobody but you. We need to compare ourselves to nobody but the person in the mirror. If you don’t like what you see change it, but change it for you not to be like someone or better than someone else.

Rule #3: Know what you can control.

There are so many things in this life that are completely out of our control. We always seem to be able to figure out the things we can control such as our daily responsibilities, our habits, our morals. But what if something comes flying in to your life that you can’t control? Disease, death, natural disaster, job layoffs, car trouble and the list goes on. If you really think about it, there are more things in life beyond our control than what we can control. The trick is to know which is which and don’t worry about what you cannot control. You may have to “own” it or deal with it in some fashion but worrying or trying to control it is a waste of energy. It always works out and for a reason we may not know in this lifetime. Think of anything you have ever worried about. For good, bad or other, it worked itself out the way it was intended and that is that. You couldn’t control it and it happened. It is what it is.

Rule #4: Be happy.

Sounds simple enough right? For some people, myself included being happy can be tough. Happiness is clearly a choice. We can choose to be miserable or negative whether the situations in our life are good or bad or we can choose to be happy. I’m not saying be happy because Grandma died, I’m saying grieve for the loss but be happy for the opportunity you had of her being in your life. Wayne Dyer said it best, “There is no way to happiness; happiness is the way”. We have one shot at this thing called life. Be happy.

Rule #5: Be a nice person.

Sometimes this is a hard one for us all. Someone just cut you off in traffic, or pulled out in front of you. That is enough to piss you straight off, so you give them the “one finger wave” and lay on your horn. There that will teach him! Then you pull into the church parking lot a few days later, notice a car that looks just like the one that….wait that’s the guy….Oh, I flipped him the bird. True story. We all get frustrated, we all have wrongs done to us, and we are all busy with our own lives. How long does it take to tell the waitress she is doing a great job, or to simply smile at someone walking by and say hi? You may never know what those things could mean to someone at that instant. It could mean the world to them and it costed us nothing.

Rule #6: Live on purpose.

What the hell does that mean? Live on purpose…I’m not taking involuntary steps when I walk, I’m not randomly just saying things. I am living on purpose….or am I? You get up, you get ready, get the kids ready, go to work, come home, make supper, homework, a little television, a book and to bed to start it all over again. Pretty typical life and to some degree we all live it and that is ok. Ok as long as we are not just going thru the motions and not paying attention. It is very easy to get wrapped up in the morning routine and completely ignore what your child is saying. We are too worried about not being late or the other things occupying our minds at that moment. However, if you are living in the moment, paying attention, we don’t miss these things. It’s these small things that usually end up meaning the most that we miss because we are just going with the flow. We need to live on purpose, stop and smell the flowers so to speak. Complete the mundane tasks as we should but do it with your eyes and ears wide open and with the mindset that there is a purpose to everything I do in my boring everyday life. When we do that, the boring mundane everyday life isn’t so boring anymore.

Rule #7: Take care of yourself.

There is nothing more important to a good life than to take care of yourself. Yes we need to take care of those around us as well like our wife and kids. But what good are you to them if you haven’t taken care of yourself both physically and mentally? I sat down in my seat on this plane, and the flight attendant starting going through the emergency exits, flotation devices and everything else. Anyone who has flown knows what they say about the oxygen masks. Should they become necessary and drop down, secure your own mask before assisting others with theirs. You won’t be much help putting a mask on your child if you’re passed out. The same holds true every single day. Physically take care of yourself with proper nutrition, rest, and exercise. We have one body and good gosh can we abuse it. Don’t wait until something forces you to make a change. Not to say it will be too late, because it is never too late. I feel it creates the thought of, “if I would have done the right things in the past, this wouldn’t be happening now”, and then you have a certain amount of regret or frustration. Do it now before something forces you to do it or worse yet you can’t or don’t have time to do it.

Let’s not forget we also need to take care of ourselves mentally and spiritually. Have your alone time when you need it. Meditate, read, ride your Harley, attend church or whatever makes the “inside” you happy. When we are happy inside our soul we are at our best and our tank is full. Then we can give some of that energy to others as needed. When we do that it will come back to us just the way we gave it out.

So these are my seven rules of life. Some I have figured out, some are going to be a whole new venture and challenge for me. Find your rules in life and put them on paper. Be accountable to them and do whatever it takes to live by them. You will find your rules will change depending where you are in your journey. I know where I am now, I know where I have been and right now these are the rule that make up me. They will change in the future as I grow I am sure. I will make new rules, and keep the old ones as well. The important thing is I will have something to be accountable for and build meaning. The idea in life is to leave your mark however large or small. What legacy will you leave following your rules?

So you can’t change the world huh?

How many times have you said, “I can’t change the world, I wish I could.” I’m here to tell you that you can change the world and you do it every day whether you realize it or not.

From the moment you wake up to the time you go to bed, you make an impact on people, things and the world in general. It is your choice either consciously or unconsciously whether that impact is positive or negative. When you woke up this morning, how did you greet your family? Where you upbeat and in a good mood or were you tired, moody or grumpy? From the first minute you are not only affecting yourself and those people around you but how those people approach their day as well, thus affecting their impact on the world. Every interaction you have with someone has an impact in some way. Do you greet your kids or spouse with an upbeat attitude and encourage a wonderful day or are you rushed, in a hurry and just want to get the task of getting ready for the day done being crabby and setting a negative tone for the day? That tone for the day will carry over into your children and spouse’s day and it will in turn have an effect on not only them but the other people they are in contact with. Make a conscience effort to make those first moments positive. You will change the world.

How are your first moments at work? Are you excited to be there? If you dread going to work, or don’t look at some part of your job as enjoyable, I would encourage you to find something else to do that makes you happy. If you are not happy and do not enjoy what you do, you will naturally have a negative impact on your fellow employees, your customers and anyone else around you. You are impacting the world in a negative way. If your heart isn’t in it, you will not be 100% into your job and short changing a customer or your company and in turn impacting them negatively because their needs are not being met. You have just changed the world in a negative way. Be upbeat enjoy what you do whether you are a CEO or a street sweeper. Be the best at what you do with a positive attitude and you alone will make a difference. There is no insignificant job in this world. Set a higher standard for yourself no matter the task and you will make a positive impact on the world.

You alone have the power to change the world by first changing yourself. Do you worry about the environment? Then start to recycle at home. Do you think people are addicted to technology and lack quality time with their family? Then put your smart phone down, enjoy some quality communication. Maybe you feel people in the world are not taking care of themselves and health issues are at an all-time high. Start an exercise program; invite your friends and family to participate. These are just some examples of ways in which you may want to change the world but don’t think you can. Tell your friends and family what YOU are doing not what to do. You may be surprised at how many will follow your lead and be inspired by your dedication and will soon follow in your footsteps. As the saying goes don’t just talk the talk, walk the walk. Lead by example. You may surprise yourself when you find out you can change the world every day of your life. It is up to you and you only whether you do it in a positive way or a negative way. Go change the world in a positive way!

Integrity versus Character

While shopping at a department store, my wife and I had a very disturbing experience. We started to hear what we thought was a minor family conflict between a father and a young boy of approximately ten years of age. We circled around the isle to take a look at what was going on and saw a very terrified young man cowering and hiding from his father while the mother was standing there helpless. The situation escalated and the man started to chase his son who was terrified and trying to hide in the next isle.

This caught our attention and we walked to the end of the isle this family was in. By this time the scene had attracted a few other people who were commenting and watching as they walked by. I stood directly across from this father as he caught his son and began to put a very hard grip on his upper arm. I looked the man in the eyes and told him to knock it off. He had a few choice words for me about minding my own business and started to walk past me while grabbing this young boy behind the neck and leading him towards the exit of the store.

All at once I saw the man lift the boy off the ground and literally carry him by the back of his neck towards the exit. At that moment, my adrenaline kicked in and I yelled to him to drop the boy and that he was about to be arrested. The man dropped him immediately, and the boy took off and the mother went after him to console him. The father I went after him as he headed for the front door. This all occurred as three other people looked on not saying anything to this guy at all. I went after the man and lost him in the parking lot. Minutes later we found the mother and consoled her and made sure her and the young boy were alright and would be alright in the immediate future.

I reflected on that day and thought had we not been there would anyone else have intervened? It really started to make me think about people’s character and integrity and the difference between the two. When we say, “That person really has character and integrity”, what exactly are we saying? If we have integrity do we automatically have good character? I believe in some instances that is the case, however as I witnessed sometimes it is not.

Integrity can be defined as knowing right from wrong, having strong moral principles. I am sure every person in that store that night had some level of integrity. They saw what was happening, some even commented on it to others or under their breath. They knew the behavior being displayed by this man was wrong on so many levels and that it probably wasn’t the first time it had occurred. So having these strong moral principles and knowing what the right thing is, why did nobody else act and defend this poor woman and child in this situation?

When it comes down to character, that can be defined as how you act or carry out your beliefs or morals, in other words, acting upon your integrity. So the other individuals in that store that night had their integrity or morals, but not the character to act upon them. Remember when you were a kid and came home and said to your parents, “Tommy was getting picked on today.” “Everyone was making fun of him but I wasn’t doing it.” That was your integrity knowing you shouldn’t pick on him. Had you displayed true character you would have stopped the others from picking on Tommy. That is the simple difference.

So stand strong in your integrity and morals, but remember to have the character to act upon them and truly make a difference in this world. Having the morals and integrity is not enough to change the world and make it a better place if you do not have the character to act upon them….

What Tough Mudder Taught Me

It was 2014 and I was about to turn 44 years old. My 25 year old friend had an idea. He said we should run a Tough Mudder. I thought it sounded like a good challenge. I really had no idea exactly what this event was. He had previously run one and told me to check it out online. I went to the site and saw the obstacles and got the basic idea. I was a little worried to be honest. I was 44 years old and I wasn’t sure if I could do this. 11167702_895362920521800_7155621500863199632_n

It was January and the event was in September. I had plenty of time to train. I was in decent shape, a little heavy, maybe a little “fluffy” but I figured we would give it a shot. Eight months later I finished my first Tough Mudder. It wasn’t easy for me by any means, but things with the most satisfaction and reward usually aren’t. After some time has passed, I can reflect on that day and the days leading up to it and I can say I learned so much about myself. So what did the Tough Mudder teach me?

Set Goals

If I have a dream or a goal in mind I know I can accomplish it. It may take months of preparation, daily dedication and working at the highest level of effort but any goal can be attained if I put my mind to it. Without a specific goal in the past I wandered aimlessly. I now know what it is like to set a goal and attain it.

Control my thoughts

I was able to control my mind and conquer my body. I ended up pushing myself almost 11 miles that day. There was sweat, blood, cramps and pure exhaustion. So many times I felt as though I couldn’t take another step or climb another obstacle. I quickly shifted my focus to “I can do this” and feeding off the energy of my friend and other people, I was able to finish and complete all of the obstacles.

Perseverance

I found that when I think I have given everything I have, there is still more in the tank. I found out how to tap into that and keep moving that day. I thought I had pushed myself in high school athletics, but that was nothing like this, not to mention I was 26 years older now! I had never had to dig that deep inside myself in a very long time. Towards the end with 2 or 3 miles left I actually felt a rush of energy come over me. I had more in there than I thought I did.

Never Give Up

I learned that day what it is like to want to quit so badly due to pain and fatigue. I saw many people who quit that event throughout the day. There were a few out with injuries, cramps and dehydration. I was cramping and dehydrated for sure, but I would not let myself quit. I just kept focusing on crossing that finish line no matter what it took.

Satisfaction

My favorite saying in sports is second place is the first loser. I am very competitive and winning is everything to me. I know how to lose gracefully, however it still doesn’t sit well with me deep inside. I learned that September day it is the journey that makes you a winner not finishing in first place. I don’t know who the first person was to finish nor do I care. Crossing that finish line in probably 2000^th place felt better than any first place victory I had ever experienced.

So go out and participate in a Tough Mudder or other obstacle type race. You will learn so much about yourself in those few hours. You will feel a sense of accomplishment you may have never felt in your life before. All of these things I learned that day carry over into my everyday life. So go out and push yourself past your comfort zone. You will quickly figure out you were selling yourself short. Let me know how you do!

The Gift of Failure

Failure. Not a very positive thought is it? Or is it? Failure is not necessarily a bad thing. There is a Japanese proverb that states, “Fall down seven times, stand up eight times”. It can also be said that if you haven’t failed you have not tried hard enough. Let me give you some examples of “good” failure.

Let’s begin with fitness. Most of us have heard of training to failure. It can be defined as repeating an exercise to the point where another repetition is no longer possible. Take the most basic exercise everyone knows, the bench press. Your goal is to complete 6-10 repetitions for 4 sets. You start off with a weight where ten repetitions can be performed. For the next set the weight is increased and maybe you can perform eight repetitions. You again add more weight and at the seventh rep you can no longer complete the full movement and must rack the weight. For the fourth and final set you are able to complete six reps and you reach failure and with the assistance of a spotter you rack the weight. For optimum muscle growth the muscle must be exercised to the point of near exhaustion for growth. Microscopic tearing of the muscle occurs (this is a good thing) and with adequate rest and nutrition, the muscle “repairs” itself, although this time bigger and/or stronger. That is the basic premise of building muscle. In this case failure is a great thing.

Another example of “good” failure is anyone who is a parent. We have all seen a child struggle with a certain task be it an activity, homework or even a game. Although as a parent watching your child struggle or fail can be painful it is necessary for the intellectual or physical growth of the child. Parents who step in and say “let me help” really are not helping at all in the long run. The child will learn to depend on someone else to help them or make their struggles go away. There are times in life when things get difficult and what better time to learn how to deal with daily struggles than when you are a child and the struggles are relatively minor. A child who is taught to struggle and quite possibly fail will learn quickly how to overcome those struggles and failures through determination and practice. A parent must act as their “spotter” and offer encouragement and a “safety net” should the need arise to avoid injury or major trauma. This type of failure is paramount for development of a healthy individual.

We experience failures in our everyday life as adults. Take one of the most rewarding yet sometimes difficult professions such as a salesperson. It doesn’t much matter what you sell, you will not close 100% of the sales you encounter. You will make your presentations and feel you gave it everything you had. You offered all the benefits, all of the features and all of the value your product will offer to your customer. You will still be faced with a customer that says no. You have failed in your attempt at selling that customer your product. You begin to ask yourself if your product wasn’t a match to their needs, or was the price too high, or was it your presentation style. Is a “no” the end of it? NO! How many “no’s” does it take to receive a yes? You don’t know unless you continue to try. So you refine your presentation, maybe alter your price or product offering and you try it again. You continue to try until the no turns into a yes. Failure in the first attempt made you go back and re-evaluate, regroup and try again. Had it not been for the failure you would not have had the opportunity to better yourself as a salesperson for the next presentation.

So is failure a bad thing? No it is not. Without failure we do not know real success or growth. You can actually learn more from failure than success. Failure builds the character needed to truly enjoy your success in life. So go out, do whatever it takes and don’t be afraid to fail now and then. It will make the success you experience that much greater.

The new launch!

Today I launched the Mind and Body website!

I created this site for many different reasons. I want to share my journey and create personal accountability for lifestyle, exercise, diet and mental health. If I can help one person in any of those areas my goal will be satisfied. I personally am a work in progress so to speak and face all of these challenges daily as I am sure many people do. As I discover more tools and methods to reach my goals I will be sharing them.