Life Archives - Mind and Body 4U

Different Views

I was recently at a friend’s home and noticed an old garage on her property. I immediately saw an awesome photo opportunity. After taking the photo I played around with it a bit and settled on a black and white version. I clearly saw it as a piece of artwork. I sent the photo to my friend and she said to take the garage home and I could have the old wreck. We laughed about it and that was it. I thought how could she not see the beauty in it? We viewed the same exact object in two completely different ways. That got me thinking about how different people see the world and everything in it in such different ways.

We all tend to get set in our own views and opinions. The key is to remember nobody’s vision is right or wrong, just different. I know I get very set in the way I view things at certain times, and I look at other people like they are nuts when they don’t see it my way. Although I am learning to take a step back and observe from other people’s point of view that is not an easy thing for me to do all the time.

We see the world from the inside out. If we could focus on things from the outside in I am sure it would change our view. That is a difficult thing to comprehend and put into practice. What seems stupid, ugly or insignificant to me, may be the smartest, most beautiful and most important thing to you. If we really want a different view from our own, have a conversation with a child. Children seem to have a perspective on things that an adult doesn’t even think of. Children have not been influenced by the world yet and see things for what they are for the most part. As the great Wayne Dyer puts it, “children haven’t been de-genioused by the world”. Many times in conversation with my daughter, her perspective on things really gets me thinking and makes me realize my outlook has been influenced by the outside world and in many ways negatively. The innocence and simplicity in their thought process is something we could all learn from.

The next time my wife Sherry and I were getting ready to visit Julie she asked me if I could bring her an 8×10 photo of that old garage on her property. I didn’t ask why and said absolutely. I also did chuckle to myself and thought she saw a different point of view and now it is artwork to her also. At that moment I was inspired to write this.

I feel we all need to take some time and see things from different points of views and opinions. It just may change our vision for our own life and the lives of those around us. I wish we could re-capture that child-like innocence and see things for what they are or what they could be and not what we think they should be or what they are not. Whether we change our humanitarian views, political views, social views or maybe just the view of an old run down garage, we will expand our vision for ourselves and in doing so put other’s views before our own making everyone’s opinion matter. Imagine a world like that…..

Under The Influence

We are all “under the influence” at one time or another in life. I’m not referring to being under the influence of a substance like drugs or alcohol although I am sure some of us have been there also at one time or another. I’m more interested in the fact that we are under the influence of people that we come into contact with every day of our lives. What exactly is influence? The dictionary defines it as the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something, or the effect itself. So when we are influenced by someone be it good or bad we are defining our character to a certain extent.

Think for a moment how many people you have come into contact so far in your life and how many more that will continue to make contact in the future. By contact it could be someone you have known your whole life, a best friend, a teacher, someone you work with or the checker at a department store. The people you come into contact with whether in passing or on a deeper level can and often do have an influence on our lives.

Now I am not saying the worker at the department store or the stranger on the street that smiled at you have the same influence as say your parents that you were in contact with on a daily basis, but they all can have the ability to impact or change an individual’s character.

How many times do you suppose your character, integrity or morals have been changed or influenced by people you’ve come into contact with? I know mine has been influenced throughout my life many times. Some of those influences are good and some are not. I think back to teachers, coaches, coworkers, friends, and family. I’ve had a mix of good and bad influences in my life as I am sure you have as well. It is ours to decide what influences we are going to let shape our character as we go through life.

I heard someone once say that we are the average of the five people we hang out with most. This is why in my opinion, we need to be aware of the people we are associating with. Do they have similar values, goals, and interests? Are they people that are going to lift us up in positive ways or are they negative people who have little direction or goals? Those are important things because our subconscious will feed off of whatever energy we surround ourselves with and influence us whether we know it or not.

I can recall people in my life who have made a positive influence on me that I knowingly carry with me today. My parents influenced me of course but beyond that I had coaches, teachers and coworkers who made very positive influences on me whether I knew it at the time or not. Some people have had very negative influences on me throughout my life that I have had to fight to correct or risk going somewhere I didn’t want to be.

My wife has been such a great influence on me in the few short years we have been together. Going into our relationship I told her I was a work in progress. She took on the daunting task of “me”, and has made me a better man, husband and father. She has taught me how to be more positive, how to see the good, and how to enjoy life in general. For that I cannot thank her enough.

My best friend of over 30 years has influenced me greatly. We will debate occasionally who the bad influence was when we were back in school. I say him and he of course says me. We did some wild and crazy things and they shaped us throughout the years no doubt. We will both admit we did some pretty stupid things but we will both also admit we had fun and learned many things about life. About five years ago my best friend became an ordained pastor. Now the influence has changed greatly. He is still my same old buddy from 30 plus years ago that we go out drink some beers and have some laughs. But now he is also an inspiration to me to lead a life with God first and foremost, and be the best person I can be for my daughter, my wife and myself. My best friend married my wife and I and most recently baptized my daughter. That man has influenced me for over 30 years full circle. I wouldn’t be where I am today without him and we continually push each other to strive to be the best we can be at whatever we do.

I recently met a gentleman at a trade show who was displaying next to me. He was kind of quiet with a dry sense of humor. We would have some small talk here and there and that was about it. The second day we spoke a little more, I met his wife who was a very nice woman as well. The third and final day something was telling me there was much more to this couple than they let on just by some small comments made the first two days. He had made a comment to a couple of young kids walking through the exhibit hall. As they walked past ignoring our businesses he said, “Don’t do drugs”. They looked back like he was crazy, he smiled looked at me and we laughed. This was his dry humor so I thought. As it turns out later I learned more about this gentleman. He is an ex-drug addict, he did prison time, he is a man of God, he is an author of many books, he writes music, he paints, he does stand up comedy, he is a very successful business owner and he gives back to prisoners in some of the toughest prisons in the states by providing them with books and he brings them to know God. I emailed Brian after the show and I hope we stay in touch. He and his wife sent my daughter and I a few of his books as well. This man had a very inspirational influence on me and the way it happened I didn’t realize it until after the fact. He is the true meaning of pay it forward.

My point is, you never know who or when someone will influence you. It may take years or minutes, but it is something that you will carry for the rest of your life. I am thankful for the people that have come into my life. Some have stayed and some were only with me for a brief time whether it was my choice, theirs or God’s. They have all influenced me in one way or another, good or bad. Without them I would not be who I am today. Pay attention to the people in your life. They have the ability to mold you, shape you and teach you in a positive or negative manner. It is your choice who you associate with and how you want to be influenced. Learn what you can from the people you associate with and apply it to your life in the most positive way. We are all under the influence every day..

Integrity versus Character

While shopping at a department store, my wife and I had a very disturbing experience. We started to hear what we thought was a minor family conflict between a father and a young boy of approximately ten years of age. We circled around the isle to take a look at what was going on and saw a very terrified young man cowering and hiding from his father while the mother was standing there helpless. The situation escalated and the man started to chase his son who was terrified and trying to hide in the next isle.

This caught our attention and we walked to the end of the isle this family was in. By this time the scene had attracted a few other people who were commenting and watching as they walked by. I stood directly across from this father as he caught his son and began to put a very hard grip on his upper arm. I looked the man in the eyes and told him to knock it off. He had a few choice words for me about minding my own business and started to walk past me while grabbing this young boy behind the neck and leading him towards the exit of the store.

All at once I saw the man lift the boy off the ground and literally carry him by the back of his neck towards the exit. At that moment, my adrenaline kicked in and I yelled to him to drop the boy and that he was about to be arrested. The man dropped him immediately, and the boy took off and the mother went after him to console him. The father I went after him as he headed for the front door. This all occurred as three other people looked on not saying anything to this guy at all. I went after the man and lost him in the parking lot. Minutes later we found the mother and consoled her and made sure her and the young boy were alright and would be alright in the immediate future.

I reflected on that day and thought had we not been there would anyone else have intervened? It really started to make me think about people’s character and integrity and the difference between the two. When we say, “That person really has character and integrity”, what exactly are we saying? If we have integrity do we automatically have good character? I believe in some instances that is the case, however as I witnessed sometimes it is not.

Integrity can be defined as knowing right from wrong, having strong moral principles. I am sure every person in that store that night had some level of integrity. They saw what was happening, some even commented on it to others or under their breath. They knew the behavior being displayed by this man was wrong on so many levels and that it probably wasn’t the first time it had occurred. So having these strong moral principles and knowing what the right thing is, why did nobody else act and defend this poor woman and child in this situation?

When it comes down to character, that can be defined as how you act or carry out your beliefs or morals, in other words, acting upon your integrity. So the other individuals in that store that night had their integrity or morals, but not the character to act upon them. Remember when you were a kid and came home and said to your parents, “Tommy was getting picked on today.” “Everyone was making fun of him but I wasn’t doing it.” That was your integrity knowing you shouldn’t pick on him. Had you displayed true character you would have stopped the others from picking on Tommy. That is the simple difference.

So stand strong in your integrity and morals, but remember to have the character to act upon them and truly make a difference in this world. Having the morals and integrity is not enough to change the world and make it a better place if you do not have the character to act upon them….