Gallery Archives - Mind and Body 4U

Two Stories One Life

As a child, I went to six different schools in seven years. What a drag having to always switch schools and never develop lasting friendships. I grew up without a solid father figure in my life. That left a huge emotional hole in my heart with only one parent. I wasn’t taught about the fundamentals of money, saving or investing which prevented me from building wealth at a young age. When I think about those days it is hard to not feel sorry for myself.

As a child, I went to six different schools in seven years. What an amazing experience to have lived in different places and to have learned how to meet and interact with new people. I grew up without a solid father figure in my life. I appreciated how one parent can really fill that void and made it normal for me. I wasn’t taught about the fundamentals of money, saving or investing, but I was taught how hard work and determination and not expecting handouts will pay off in the long run. When I think about those days it is hard to not feel very lucky.

Two stories about the exact same scenarios with a completely different outlook. I have told those stories to many people throughout the years. How I spin them is completely up to me. I lived each one of the stories in my life, however when you are in the story you can’t really see it. The problem is the stories we tell ourselves influence every aspect of our lives. We identify with them, we become them, and some people may judge us by them.

So a story that seemed to fit years ago may no longer reflect who we really are today. We can re-frame that story and give it a different meaning to us. Feeling sorry for myself for what I referred to as a gypsy childhood no longer serves me. I can’t change the story, shit happens, but what I can do is take away more positive pieces that have made me who I am today and embrace what may or may not have been screwed up.

So maybe your story isn’t all that glorious but it did make you who you are today. Take a look back at the stories and events in your life and see how they serve your current self. You may surprise yourself and realize it wasn’t all that bad and there were many good things that came of it.

I would love to hear some of your stories and how you used to think about them and how they now fit you today. I look forward to your comments…

Entitlement

As I was walking across a street with my 11 year old daughter, we were in the crosswalk and a car was approaching. Being unsure if the car was going to yield, I grabbed her hand to stop her from walking in front of the car. The person did stop to let us cross and my daughter said to me, “Dad we are in the crosswalk, we have the right of way!” I said, “I know we do honey, but you have to be aware in case they don’t stop for us”. Her response to me was, “Well if they hit me they will be in big trouble”. I said, “Or you will be dead, then where did your right of way get you?” We went back and forth a bit and I finally gave up and we moved on with our fun. This sense of entitlement not only really got me thinking about her safety, but people’s sense of entitlement in general.

If I were to have this same conversation with some adults, I believe I would get the same response as I did from my daughter. Take a ride through a store’s parking lot. There will be people pushing carts right down the drive lane with no regard to vehicles. Their thought process is, “you can’t hit me, I have the right of way”. Um, yes I CAN hit you and no doubt WILL be in trouble with the law and more than likely be sued. But was that thinking error worth the person’s injury or possibly even their death? The problem is, with adults this sense of entitlement is far larger than crossing the streets or parking lots.

So what does it mean to have a sense of entitlement? The dictionary defines it as “the belief that one inherently deserves privileges or special treatment.” It seems in today’s society this belief system is becoming the norm and socially acceptable. Are the days gone where if we wanted something we worked for it? If it’s not “fair” do we just pack it up and quit or worse yet stand there with an outstretched hand waiting for someone to make it fair?

I have seen firsthand so many examples of this sense of entitlement that it completely boggles my mind. From young adults who get out of college fully expecting to do as little as possible for the wages of a 20 year veteran in the work force, or a person who chooses to have little to no income and expect the state or another person to share the wealth to take care of them and create a better lifestyle for them. I completely understand there are situations where people need assistance and I am thankful we have systems in place for those people. These should be considered hand ups not handouts. But the folks who have the capabilities to work and earn but lack the desire is where I see things are broken not only in government but in our society in general. What these people are missing is if they work hard, if they work smart, they will reap the benefits of other people that do that same. You can’t stand with a hand out and expect it to come to you without effort. Some people definitely get what they want from handouts such as a lottery win or inheritance but having not worked for it I have to think it doesn’t mean as much and would be much more disposable.

I have yet to see a bodybuilder go to a gym, sit around, suck down protein powder and supplements and get huge and ripped without moving a single weight. We know of course this doesn’t work. Why? They didn’t do the necessary work. They didn’t work out day after day, rep after rep like a successful bodybuilder does. They just sat there waiting and nothing happened but disappointment. In most things in life we get out exactly what we put in. We reap what we sow and have to work for what we truly want in life.

It makes me sad and frustrated that there are actually laws in place that support this thought process of equality without regard to the work someone does. I don’t understand when this shifted. I was taught from a young age that life isn’t fair. It never will be fair. When someone tells me life isn’t fair, I ask them compared to what? The great equalizer is putting in the work and effort to make it fair. This is what has been lost in many situations. I am by no means referring to racial equality, or equality between men and women in regard to wages, jobs or anything else. All people on this planet are equal and should be treated that way. However should a person who sits home all day doing nothing by their choice have the same wages and benefits as someone who works 40 hours a week year after year? My thought is, get off your ass and do something about your situation, don’t stick your hand out and say I need your money. The problem is, our society seems to allow this if not promote it at times and it seems to be getting worse.

I definitely don’t have the answer for this but I do what I can to ensure myself, my daughter and people in my circle don’t fall into this way of thinking. When my daughter tells me while playing Monopoly if she runs out of money I just have to give her some of mine or she doesn’t need to practice because she will still get a trophy, I know I have some work to do. Every time a teaching moment comes up such as that one, I take the opportunity to explain work ethic and more importantly working smart. That it isn’t normal in life to sit and wait for good things to come your way. You need to get up and make them happen to ensure you get what you want out of life. It is no doubt an uphill battle, but it is a battle I take on not only for the good of her future, but society in general.

We need to stop living in the hand out, participation trophy world and start living in the I work for what I want world. The world where sometimes we win and sometimes, yes I will say it, we actually lose. If more people learned how to lose gracefully I think things could change. It is up to us as individuals to make life fair in our little worlds. We need to teach our kids that hard work matters and they will see the benefit of it whether it is in athletics, academics or the work force. The sense of entitlement has to stop and be replaced with a sense of accomplishment.

Different Views

I was recently at a friend’s home and noticed an old garage on her property. I immediately saw an awesome photo opportunity. After taking the photo I played around with it a bit and settled on a black and white version. I clearly saw it as a piece of artwork. I sent the photo to my friend and she said to take the garage home and I could have the old wreck. We laughed about it and that was it. I thought how could she not see the beauty in it? We viewed the same exact object in two completely different ways. That got me thinking about how different people see the world and everything in it in such different ways.

We all tend to get set in our own views and opinions. The key is to remember nobody’s vision is right or wrong, just different. I know I get very set in the way I view things at certain times, and I look at other people like they are nuts when they don’t see it my way. Although I am learning to take a step back and observe from other people’s point of view that is not an easy thing for me to do all the time.

We see the world from the inside out. If we could focus on things from the outside in I am sure it would change our view. That is a difficult thing to comprehend and put into practice. What seems stupid, ugly or insignificant to me, may be the smartest, most beautiful and most important thing to you. If we really want a different view from our own, have a conversation with a child. Children seem to have a perspective on things that an adult doesn’t even think of. Children have not been influenced by the world yet and see things for what they are for the most part. As the great Wayne Dyer puts it, “children haven’t been de-genioused by the world”. Many times in conversation with my daughter, her perspective on things really gets me thinking and makes me realize my outlook has been influenced by the outside world and in many ways negatively. The innocence and simplicity in their thought process is something we could all learn from.

The next time my wife Sherry and I were getting ready to visit Julie she asked me if I could bring her an 8×10 photo of that old garage on her property. I didn’t ask why and said absolutely. I also did chuckle to myself and thought she saw a different point of view and now it is artwork to her also. At that moment I was inspired to write this.

I feel we all need to take some time and see things from different points of views and opinions. It just may change our vision for our own life and the lives of those around us. I wish we could re-capture that child-like innocence and see things for what they are or what they could be and not what we think they should be or what they are not. Whether we change our humanitarian views, political views, social views or maybe just the view of an old run down garage, we will expand our vision for ourselves and in doing so put other’s views before our own making everyone’s opinion matter. Imagine a world like that…..

Create Your Own Luck

You walk outside your home, glance to your neighbor’s large fancy house with a Mercedes sitting in the driveway and say, “wow they are lucky”. Well unless they inherited money or won the lottery, that isn’t luck. That is called hard work and dedication. If you didn’t walk out of your house and say that, and haven’t won the lottery or inherited a bunch of money, then you know what I am talking about.

Too many people have the mindset that because people have nice things they are lucky. Maybe in a sense they are, but it probably had nothing to do with luck itself. Meeting that one person that gives you that big break and helps or mentors you to success isn’t luck at all. That is being aware of opportunities presented to you or creating an opportunity yourself to meet that person. It then comes down to what you do with that opportunity. I have squandered many of those opportunities in my life that came along because I didn’t recognize them or didn’t have the drive and dedication to pursue them. I am sure we have all done it.

I see so many young people in today’s society that are waiting for their big lucky opportunity to come along. I hate to tell them but that could be a long wait. We need to get out there and create our opportunities for great things whether that is stuff, a job or knowledge. Going after those things pro-actively puts destiny back in your own hands instead of waiting for luck to strike.

A fisherman never caught a fish sitting on the bank of a river without actively baiting a hook, and repeatedly casting said hook into the water of opportunity. You may catch a bunch of little ones, or you just might land that big one. You may not catch a damn thing. This is where the rubber meets the road. Are you going to quit if you don’t succeed at first and bank on luck that a fish will jump into your arms? No you keep trying in the same spot, or you move to another spot if you want to control your “fishing” destiny. A Chinese proverb says, “Fall down seven times, stand up eight”. I think many people forget that last step because it is hard. At times, I have definitely been in that category.

So how do we create our own so-called luck? For starters, we get off our ass and do something about it. We need to dedicate ourselves to what we want to accomplish. If we want to be successful at our jobs we need to be the expert in our field. If we want to start our own business we dedicate our time to building that business to someday reap the rewards that independence can bring. If it’s education, we find the right classes or books and we soak in the knowledge we desire. We need to surround ourselves with likeminded people that bring positive influence to us to be who we truly want to be. None of this is just luck.

So instead of sitting around waiting for luck to give us our “Mercedes” in life, let’s create our own luck and control when and how many we get. If there is one thing I have learned in life it is that very seldom something is handed to us and when it is, it isn’t usually all that worthwhile. If you want it, work for it. It means so much more. If you work for a million dollars, I can guarantee you will not spend it foolishly. If you win a million dollars in the lottery, statistics show because it came easy, it will be gone in no time unless you are extremely disciplined.

So do you want to be lucky or do you want to go get what you want with hard work and dedication? Ultimately, that is a choice we all have to make. Me, I’m not waiting for luck to reward me. I am rewarding myself everyday with what I do and the people I surround myself with. It makes it all so much more meaningful. So are you going to sit and wait to see if lady luck shines on you? The clock never stops ticking. The time is now to go get what you want in life and enjoy it.

Taking Care of Your “Vehicle”

Whomever has ever purchased a nice vehicle whether it was new or used knows what it is like to want to take care of it. You keep it clean inside and out, you maintain it with regular oil changes, and probably wash it and wax it regularly. After all, who wouldn’t want to spend a little time taking care of it after all of the money you spent on it. You more than likely worked very hard for that money as well. It all makes perfect sense.

So tell me why we don’t have this same attitude with our bodies? After all, it is our “vehicle” to roam this planet. We may not have spent money on it, however it is priceless isn’t it? Without it, we are not going far. Our bodies cannot be replaced when they get wrecked like a vehicle. Yes we have insurance on both but no replacement guarantees on our bodies. We put premium gasoline in our vehicles to make the engine run better, we use top brand oils to make our engines last longer, yet we smoke cigarettes, do drugs, pour alcohol into our bodies and eat foods certain to cause havoc in the long run. That doesn’t make our body run well or last longer. It makes no sense yet we all do it or have done it at one time or another.

We have all probably had a vehicle break down on us. Anything from a flat tire to a blown engine or maybe an accident where it was totaled out and scrapped. At any rate, we were able to repair or replace it and move on. We depend on our vehicles to get us from point A to point B. For some reason we take our bodies for granted more than we do our cars. Maybe it is because we have never had something fail in our body which made us more aware of how we treat it. Unfortunately for many people, it takes an event like that to finally realize we are abusing or not taking care of our bodies like we should. For some people this moment never comes and before they know it time is up and it’s too late.

So what do we do to take care of ourselves like we should now? By no means is it easy to get started if we haven’t created the habit. First we need to be in the right frame of mind to do something about it and make a change. Every journey starts with a single step including this life long one. Sometimes it is the smallest change in diet or exercise that will spark something in us to continue to make larger changes. It can be a much larger leap like eliminating junk food, deciding to quit smoking or drinking or beginning an exercise program. However we decide to do it doesn’t matter as much as just taking that first step. If we stick with it, the rest takes care of itself.

I see people who are in their golden years and I can almost tell who took care of themselves and who didn’t. It makes me wonder what life will be like for me in 20 years. Do I want to be walking with a cane, over weight, hunched over shuffling around? No way! I want to be on the golf course, out walking or jogging being active enjoying myself and not having to watch other people have the fun because I am physically restricted or exhausted. If we really think about our future selves having such a restricted life it is sobering. We have one body and we need to take care of it and that has to start now. Not tomorrow, not next week, it has to happen today.

So we need to decide, do we want to be a broken down rusted out heap of junk ready for the scrap yard, or do we want to be a high performance sports car always ready for the next adventure. The choice is ours every day. Let’s keep our future self in mind and take care of our “vehicle” for as long as we have the privilege to walk this planet. Love your body like your new car, take care of it, respect it, and give it the attention it deserves. A little effort now can make a big difference in our future..